10 things to know about Germany
people think we Germans are punctual, organised,
only live to work, are all nudists and
most important totally lack any sense of humour. Of course
that’s an unjustified prejudice and it is time to explain ourselves.
we do tend to be in time. There is no excuse for that and we do apologise
every single day to our manager, boss or supervisor when once again we
have failed to be late for work. It is a terrible habit and especially
Germans working abroad struggle with this attitude. I currently work in
Dublin in an evil American company. They are not very happy about the
German team and that's mainly because we are always in time. It disturbs
the whole production process and is extremely expensive. Just think about
the electricity bill. Because of us they have to switch on the lights
at 7 in the morning and all the computer thingis as well. It must cost
them a fortune, especially bearing in mind that we don't actually make
things. We are just there to sort out the mess other people have produced
by distributing an untested and half-baked product! Personally I thought
as a marketing strategy it is rather bizarre and counterproductive, but
then - what the heck do I know? At least it is not against the law. It
can't be. Otherwise it would illegal to sell Microsoft Windows and apparently
we are true German democrats and kinda nice we are thinking of actually
doing something about our terrible habit of being punctual. We want to
organise something that best describes the German word "Selbsthilfegruppe"
– a support group for employees that are notoriously punctual in
the morning. We already invited a consultant from a language group that
is known to be late all the time. Unfortunately the colleague from the
*** market so far did not show up which only adds to our belief that we
picked the right person. We promise, we will try hard as hard as we can
but there is no guarantee.
for being organised:
That’s not fair! The only reason why Germans are organised is that
they are lazy. If you can avoid unnecessary work why not doing it? This
really shouldn’t be used against
us. And the claim that we only live to work is so not true. How would
you know? It’s not that we tell anybody when we sneak into the building
All Germans are nudist! And again: NOT TRUE, seriously.
We actually dislike nudity and strongly disapprove when other nationalities
do it. The reason you see so many Germans on nudist beaches is poverty.
Germany no longer is a rich country and the average German quite frankly
cannot afford trunks. When you have 6 weeks off every year and you spend
so much money on flights to all these beautiful places, you really don’t
want to spend another 20 squid (funny is it?) on top. It is a question
of poverty and really has nothing to do with being obsessed.
what I found on German eBay. It is wallpaper in case you can't tell from
the pictures. Sold for 10 Euro. Does this look like as if Germans were
obsessed? No way. It is poverty. We are so poor that we can't just go
to the shop and buy things. We have to do everything ourselves as in creating,
making things. Many Germans actually try to earn a living by handcrafting
funny little things. We then sell them to rich foreigners who come to
Germany on Safari or because the girls are so pretty. No joking. German
girls are famous. And they tend to easily fall for rich foreigners to
escape the poverty at home and the danger of being sold as slaves to the
boob design wallpaper factory. Life in Germany is tough, I'm telling you!
Tapete mit Tittenmuster (Wallpaper with boob design)
Germans totally lack any sense of humour
You must be joking! Germans are the funniest people in the world. Their
jokes are so lethal that they are no longer allowed to be published. It
is too dangerous. I’ll give you an example:
An evil piggy walks through the forest. Suddenly a fairy appears
and says: I’ll grant you two wishes. The evil piggy looks at her
and answers: Fine. Drive a nail into the tree, in a way no one can ever
remove it. The fairy looks puzzled but complies. So what is your second
wish she then asked the evil piggy. Remove the nail!
I said, lethal, pure quality!
I always recommend to simply browse German eBay. It does say a lot about
the country. It is like a cultural guide through Germany and I swear to
Buddha you can get fucking everything there. Interested in buying a Russian
fighter jet – the auction is no longer online but you find a screenshot
another example of handicraft and German humour. Careful on this one it
is vicious. Imagine this, you spend a romantic evening with a hot bird
and suddenly realise you don't have a condom; at least none that works.
Buy a new one? Too expensive! Just do it blank? Far too risky and it could
turn out to be really and I mean really, really expensive. No, as a German
you simply fix the broken condom. You don't believe it? Check this out
- Flick a condom. It could come in handy one day could it?
be you like it a bit more spicy. Check this out and tell me again you
are too old to play with Barbie’s. Latex
SM Studio One of my favourites because it is so incredibly German
another one I quite like. It was advertised as a laptop with integrated
printer - wickedly funny, only a German could come up with an
idea like this. I'm sitting here laughing out loud. There is tears in
my eyes. Germans! Jesus Christ they are so funny, you just want to shoot
I’d say at this stage we all agree, the German sense of humour is
one-of-a-kind. And do you see how it says in the headline "10 things
to know about Germany"? Did you realise it’s actually only
five. Hilarious! I think we can stop here. Quod erat demonstrandum
as they say – I rest my case.
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