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Planet P. I & Planet P II




The Return of the Muppets

Once upon a time, long before the fairy tales, Planet P. was a paradise, a unique haven in a cruel world, tranquil and contemplative, enchanting like the flower in a Midsummer Night's Dream. It was mystical like Avalon but with the weather being much nicer and it was as real as the next price rise.

Good ole daysPlanet P. was ruled by wise men and women, infallible and with open hearts, praising the peaceful and beautiful mother nature. Virgins were playing in the meadows, younglings singing and dancing in the streets, training their tanned bodies in their anxiety to please the elder. Flowers everywhere, birds were singing and the sun was shining all day long. The people were celebrating each day as if it was their last. And then it was their last and the elder disappeared.




BeardoDarkness came and with it destruction, pillage. The people of Plakias were suffering, lost and lonely, rumour says even Joes Bar was closed for a while. An outrage, unheard of in the history of our beloved Planet P. Things were falling apart, cold were the days and even colder the nights. A ghost town in hell inviting would have looked like compare to Plakias in these days.

Hidden in their caves and what was left of their houses the people waited for a saviour, a messiah who once again would bring happiness and joy, brighten up their days, a hero who would fight the dark spirits that had taken over their little world. One day, they knew, he would return and he would bring his army of dorks.

 

Fire in PlakiasIt is summer time again and summer time is Plakias time. Yes our little paradise is still standing although it got very close to being burned down. A huge bush fire destroyed thousands of olive trees around the village and it took three days and almost one thousand fire fighters, soldiers and volunteers to get the fire under control. As far as we know there are no victims, but a large number of dead animals that couldn't escape and of course the once green hills in and around Plakias are now rather black. It is really sad to see but we should be thankful, it could have been a lot worse.

A few other things happened we are not particularly happy about, but this is how live goes. As you may or may not know our good friend Natascha wanted to open a surf school on Plakias beach. Although she has the permit some of the local didn't like the idea and knocked the beach house down. Nobody in the village wants to do anything about it, so as it looks at the moment the surf school won't happen and she will probably leave Plakias for good. A great loss.

Jorgi gets wetA couple of new hotels were build in Plakias. We are not entirely sure why after all there never was a shortage of rooms, but then we don't know business. No worries - all together Plakias still is the chilled out place we all know. No damage was done. And the good news is, that's all the bad news we got for this year.

Joes Bar didn't change a bit and the hostel is still a refuge for travelers and party people. Femke and Collin have taken over Nikos Souvlaki this year and the food is - as one could expect - faaaaaaantastic. The Souvlaki house has a new manager as well. Siffi built a new place next to Joes Bar so Irini took over. The food improved dramatically and Irini is a really nice person to sit down with and have a chat. Five stars! Try the Bifteki, they are special!

The library is still standing and that's extremely good news. We were really worried about it when the fire came closer and closer. Fortunately they managed to rescue the place. So you can still sit on the terrace, enjoy the view, have a glass of wine and a chat with the librarian. Talking about it: Head librarian Alan with his side kick Andy and Mike the gardener are doing a awesome job running this place. It is a like little paradise within Garden Eden. And they have books as well, unbelievable. Rumour says they also have a new librarian but after Ann hardly ever showed up there, we considers this rumour as what it is: a canard.

 

Evil Drunk MuppetIt was a beautiful morning, the birds were singing, the sun shining, the people of Plakias slowly woke up. A regular morning, where you just get up and mind your own business. The dark forces were still asleep, dreaming innocent dreams in their comfortable beds.

Around noon the bus arrived from the place far behind the seven mountains, Rhetymno they call it. It would stop only briefly as usual and disappear again. Nothing special, one could think, nothing anyone would notice. But on this very day everything was different. The bus had brought the one, people had waited for so desperately, one of the elder, a saviour. And then he set foot on Plakian soil.


Ann MuppetThe elder looked tired. One could tell how much time had passed since his last appearance in this little paradise. At least that's what they thought. In fact looking old and weak was, what he intended to look like. No one ever took him serious until it was too late. At the same time this elder was one of the most respected Muppets in the universe, a Muppet master. He was around when the battle at Joes Bar took place, the epic battle good against evil, and he survived. He fought side by side with the most powerful Muppets the world has ever seen. He was the on first sight unimpressive type of hero one underestimated only once.

Will this be the end of the dark age? Will Planet P. once again be the haven it used to be? Be patient dear reader, time will tell.



After I was in Plakias for only three weeks this year I did not meet too many new people. Still I was absolutely pleased with the ones I met. Most of this years long terms will make a fine addition to the list of regulars. Was it just luck or my good influence? No way. I think it is the place. It seems to attract nice people so it really doesn't matter when you go to Plakias. There always is a good chance that you will meet people you like.

Let me introduce a few new faces. First - and that's mainly because I was utterly impressed - I want to mention "Never say no Muppet", a woman who cannot refuse a drink. A dream comes true. MicMac as I also call her, because her name is not only difficult to remember but also impossible to spell, is one of the most mellow people I ever came across. She is the kind of person, that will sit next to you, smile and it doesn't feel awkward to not even talk, to just enjoy her company. Make an educated guess ho instantly became my drinking buddy. It was a pleasure and she only once passed out outside of her room. That's not bad for two weeks.

JoeVoted "Couple of the year" were Beardo and Yuri. The two are just sweet. And they are really cool guys. Yuri for example - I also call him Back Porch Muppet - always tried to make sure that new arrivals (single, female) got a warm welcome and he made sure they became members of the team as quickly as possible. High Five for that.

Beardo Muppet (sometimes Pirate Muppet) reintroduced uneven numbers to the shaggin roof. We don't want to mention the other two involved but rumour says, they had a lot of fun. Beardo, thank you. You made me proud. I taught you well.

TinaBeardo also introduced Chuck Norris to the hostel. Of course he didn't introduce him personally, that's far too dangerous, but ... OK wait, we may need to explain this. Do you remember Chuck Norris? He is a fucking classic. Back in the 80's Chuck Norris was the toughest Karate Kid around and the spirit is still alive. Damn he was good. Compare to him Steven Segal is a soft ball player, they say that Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee hated each other so badly, that when they did a movie together they actually started to fight and kicked the shit out of each other rather than acting. According to the script Bruce had to win but we all know, no one would beat Chuck Norris in real. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Beardo and First Night MuppetBeardo is full of Chuck Norris jokes and I loved them all. "Chuck Norris never sleeps, he waits" or "When the Boogey Man goes to sleep he first checks his closet if Chuck Norris is in there" or "Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants". Classical entertainment. Beardo we certainly hope this was not the last time we saw you in Plakias.

A few people made it back to hostel already, New York Dave for example, others are expected to come. Emma and the Kissing Doctor, may be Souzo and Dublin John to name a few, most of the usual suspects (Aussie John and Flip Flop Tim for example) are there already. Back came Toasted Muppet and last years breakfast bitch Tina. Both are performing as one can expect from a Plakias veteran. Joe is very pleased with them.

DJ MuppetA special mention deserves this years breakfast bitch. Ann is a really sweet Muppet, an inspiration, always first to come to the bar and still the last to leave it, number one cheerleader in Joes, a fantastic DJ, a dedicated drinker, always smiling and she still manages to get up in the morning to cook delicious eggs (so I heard). We all agree she did a great job ... in many ways ... remarkable ... outstanding. She earned her reputation and by all means has proven to be a Muppet. That ain't easy. She did so well that her true Muppet name has to remain secret. I guess it says it all.

She took over the hostel for example when Chris got really ill, she partied with Ann and EKtwo of the most vicious Muppets that ever visited Plakias (and she survived), Ann - as mentioned - was also DJ in Joes for a while, worked in Nikos and on top proved that she is a real songbird when she gave a intoxicating concert in Nikos one night. There were riots and people started fighting for autographs and souvenirs. They were touched by her performance and of course disgusted by her side kick (as usual) but so it goes: No one is perfect. Next time she will make a wiser choice.

Ann and MicMacWhen Ann first arrived everyone referred to her as Amy's little sister, the next time Amy comes to Plakias they will probably address her as Ann's older sister. Well done Ann and we all hope it was not the last time we have seen you in Plakias.

Chris by the way is doing much better now. We are all very pleased that he recovered so well. And that's pretty much it for this year. We can close the chapter until next time.




Evil Drunk Muppet looked around. Something was wrong with his old home world. Where was the joy, the happiness? The beach was filled with extras, not a single passed out Muppet. The sight did not please his eyes. People were wandering around and it was only noon. Has the world gone crazy?

He grabbed his belongings and walked to the hostel. A dozen of people were sitting there, sober. He could not believe what he was nver say no muppetseeing. Has the world turned upside down? As he entered the place silence fell. Evil Drunk Muppet dropped his bag, went straight to the fridge, he grabbed a beer. Only then he turned around and addressed the attendees: "I am His Evilness Kristos the Graceless, survivor of the battle at Joes Bar and second to no one. I am disgusted with you people. Noon it is and sober you are, a disgrace to this place. I shall now go to see my old nemesis Joe. On my return I expect you to be drunk and ready for the party and you better hurry. This won't be pleasant. "

His next stop was the bar mentioned. Joe was pleased to see him. A big smile was on his face, there was light at the end of the tunnel. He knew, Plakias soon would be paradise again. And so it happened.

pool partyWithin a couple of days of preaching, drinking and baptizing people formerly know by their names became proud Muppets. It was carnage. Daylight drinking was reintroduced, the shaggin roof finally lived up to it's name, pool parties, pirate nights, bar stool dancing in Joes, people passing out all over the place and last but not least the toilet was reconverted into a Vomitorium. Plakias once again was the little paradise we all know.

 

Evil Drunk Muppet was pleased with what he had done. He finally sat down and smiled. My work here is finished. There is other places where I am needed. Fare well and may the force be with you - Muppets.


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