The Return of the Muppets
upon a time, long before the fairy tales, Planet P. was a paradise,
a unique haven in a cruel world, tranquil and contemplative, enchanting
like the flower in a Midsummer Night's Dream. It was mystical
like Avalon but with the weather being much nicer and it was as
real as the next price rise.
P. was ruled by wise men and women, infallible and with open hearts,
praising the peaceful and beautiful mother nature. Virgins were
playing in the meadows, younglings singing and dancing in the
streets, training their tanned bodies in their anxiety to please
the elder. Flowers everywhere, birds were singing and the sun
was shining all day long. The people were celebrating each day
as if it was their last. And then it was their last and the elder
came and with it destruction, pillage. The people of Plakias were
suffering, lost and lonely, rumour says even Joes Bar was closed
for a while. An outrage, unheard of in the history of our beloved
Planet P. Things were falling apart, cold were the days and even
colder the nights. A ghost town in hell inviting would have looked
like compare to Plakias in these days.
in their caves and what was left of their houses the people waited
for a saviour, a messiah who once again would bring happiness
and joy, brighten up their days, a hero who would fight the dark
spirits that had taken over their little world. One day, they
knew, he would return and he would bring his army of dorks.
is summer time again and summer time is Plakias time. Yes our little
paradise is still standing although it got very close to being burned
down. A huge bush fire destroyed thousands of olive trees around
the village and it took three days and almost one thousand fire
fighters, soldiers and volunteers to get the fire under control.
As far as we know there are no victims, but a large number of dead
animals that couldn't escape and of course the once green hills
in and around Plakias are now rather black. It is really sad to
see but we should be thankful, it could have been a lot worse.
few other things happened we are not particularly happy about, but
this is how live goes. As you may or may not know our good friend
Natascha wanted to open a surf school on Plakias beach. Although
she has the permit some of the local didn't like the idea and knocked
the beach house down. Nobody in the village wants to do anything
about it, so as it looks at the moment the surf school won't happen
and she will probably leave Plakias for good. A great loss.
couple of new hotels were build in Plakias. We are not entirely
sure why after all there never was a shortage of rooms, but then
we don't know business. No worries - all together Plakias still
is the chilled out place we all know. No damage was done. And the
good news is, that's all the bad news we got for this year.
Joes Bar didn't change a bit and the hostel is still a refuge for
travelers and party people. Femke and Collin have taken over Nikos
Souvlaki this year and the food is - as one could expect - faaaaaaantastic.
The Souvlaki house has a new manager as well. Siffi built a new
place next to Joes Bar so Irini took over. The food improved dramatically
and Irini is a really nice person to sit down with and have a chat.
Five stars! Try the Bifteki, they are special!
library is still standing and that's extremely good news. We were
really worried about it when the fire came closer and closer. Fortunately
they managed to rescue the place. So you can still sit on the terrace,
enjoy the view, have a glass of wine and a chat with the librarian.
Talking about it: Head librarian Alan with his side kick Andy and
Mike the gardener are doing a awesome job running this place. It
is a like little paradise within Garden Eden. And they have books
as well, unbelievable. Rumour says they also have a new librarian
but after Ann hardly ever showed up there, we considers this rumour
as what it is: a canard.
was a beautiful morning, the birds were singing, the sun shining,
the people of Plakias slowly woke up. A regular morning, where
you just get up and mind your own business. The dark forces were
still asleep, dreaming innocent dreams in their comfortable beds.
noon the bus arrived from the place far behind the seven mountains,
Rhetymno they call it. It would stop only briefly as usual and
disappear again. Nothing special, one could think, nothing anyone
would notice. But on this very day everything was different. The
bus had brought the one, people had waited for so desperately,
one of the elder, a saviour. And then he set foot on Plakian soil.
elder looked tired. One could tell how much time had passed since
his last appearance in this little paradise. At least that's what
they thought. In fact looking old and weak was, what he intended
to look like. No one ever took him serious until it was too late.
At the same time this elder was one of the most respected Muppets
in the universe, a Muppet master. He was around when the battle
at Joes Bar took place, the epic battle good against evil, and
he survived. He fought side by side with the most powerful Muppets
the world has ever seen. He was the on first sight unimpressive
type of hero one underestimated only once.
Will this be the end of the dark age? Will Planet P. once again
be the haven it used to be? Be patient dear reader, time will
After I was in Plakias for only three weeks this year I did not
meet too many new people. Still I was absolutely pleased with the
ones I met. Most of this years long terms will make a fine addition
to the list of regulars. Was it just luck or my good influence?
No way. I think it is the place. It seems to attract nice people
so it really doesn't matter when you go to Plakias. There always
is a good chance that you will meet people you like.
Let me introduce a few new faces. First - and that's mainly because
I was utterly impressed - I want to mention "Never say no Muppet",
a woman who cannot refuse a drink. A dream comes true. MicMac as
I also call her, because her name is not only difficult to remember
but also impossible to spell, is one of the most mellow people I
ever came across. She is the kind of person, that will sit next
to you, smile and it doesn't feel awkward to not even talk, to just
enjoy her company. Make an educated guess ho instantly became my
drinking buddy. It was a pleasure and she only once passed out outside
of her room. That's not bad for two weeks.
"Couple of the year" were Beardo and Yuri. The two are
just sweet. And they are really cool guys. Yuri for example - I
also call him Back Porch Muppet - always tried to make sure that
new arrivals (single, female) got a warm welcome and he made sure
they became members of the team as quickly as possible. High Five
Muppet (sometimes Pirate Muppet) reintroduced uneven numbers to
the shaggin roof. We don't want to mention the other two involved
but rumour says, they had a lot of fun. Beardo, thank you. You made
me proud. I taught you well.
also introduced Chuck Norris to the hostel. Of course he didn't
introduce him personally, that's far too dangerous, but ... OK wait,
we may need to explain this. Do you remember Chuck Norris? He is
a fucking classic. Back in the 80's Chuck Norris was the toughest
Karate Kid around and the spirit is still alive. Damn he was good.
Compare to him Steven Segal is a soft ball player, they say that
Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee hated each other so badly, that when
they did a movie together they actually started to fight and kicked
the shit out of each other rather than acting. According to the
script Bruce had to win but we all know, no one would beat Chuck
Norris in real. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies,
just check the extinct species list.
is full of Chuck Norris jokes and I loved them all. "Chuck
Norris never sleeps, he waits" or "When the Boogey
Man goes to sleep he first checks his closet if Chuck Norris is
in there" or "Chuck Norris doesn't read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants".
Classical entertainment. Beardo we certainly hope this was not the
last time we saw you in Plakias.
few people made it back to hostel already, New York Dave for example,
others are expected to come. Emma and the Kissing Doctor, may be
Souzo and Dublin John to name a few, most of the usual suspects
(Aussie John and Flip Flop Tim for example) are there already. Back
came Toasted Muppet and last years breakfast bitch Tina. Both are
performing as one can expect from a Plakias veteran. Joe is very
pleased with them.
special mention deserves this years breakfast bitch. Ann is a really
sweet Muppet, an inspiration, always first to come to the bar and
still the last to leave it, number one cheerleader in Joes, a fantastic
DJ, a dedicated drinker, always smiling and she still manages to
get up in the morning to cook delicious eggs (so I heard). We all
agree she did a great job ... in many ways ... remarkable ... outstanding.
She earned her reputation and by all means has proven to be a Muppet.
That ain't easy. She did so well that her true Muppet name has to
remain secret. I guess it says it all.
took over the hostel for example when Chris got really ill, she
partied with two
of the most vicious Muppets that ever visited Plakias (and she survived),
Ann - as mentioned - was also DJ in Joes for a while, worked in
Nikos and on top proved that she is a real songbird when she gave
a intoxicating concert in Nikos one night. There were riots and
people started fighting for autographs and souvenirs. They were
touched by her performance and of course disgusted by her side kick
(as usual) but so it goes: No one is perfect. Next time she will
make a wiser choice.
Ann first arrived everyone referred to her as Amy's little sister,
the next time Amy comes to Plakias they will probably address her
as Ann's older sister. Well done Ann and we all hope it was not
the last time we have seen you in Plakias.
by the way is doing much better now. We are all very pleased that
he recovered so well. And that's pretty much it for this year. We
can close the chapter until next time.
Evil Drunk Muppet looked around. Something was wrong with
his old home world. Where was the joy, the happiness? The beach
was filled with extras, not a single passed out Muppet. The sight
did not please his eyes. People were wandering around and it was
only noon. Has the world gone crazy?
grabbed his belongings and walked to the hostel. A dozen of people
were sitting there, sober. He could not believe what he was seeing.
Has the world turned upside down? As he entered the place silence
fell. Evil Drunk Muppet dropped his bag, went straight to the
fridge, he grabbed a beer. Only then he turned around and addressed
the attendees: "I am His Evilness Kristos the Graceless,
survivor of the battle at Joes Bar and second to no one. I am
disgusted with you people. Noon it is and sober you are, a disgrace
to this place. I shall now go to see my old nemesis Joe. On my
return I expect you to be drunk and ready for the party and you
better hurry. This won't be pleasant. "
next stop was the bar mentioned. Joe was pleased to see him. A
big smile was on his face, there was light at the end of the tunnel.
He knew, Plakias soon would be paradise again. And so it happened.
a couple of days of preaching, drinking and baptizing people formerly
know by their names became proud Muppets. It was carnage. Daylight
drinking was reintroduced, the shaggin roof finally lived up to
it's name, pool parties, pirate nights, bar stool dancing in Joes,
people passing out all over the place and last but not least the
toilet was reconverted into a Vomitorium. Plakias once again was
the little paradise we all know.
Drunk Muppet was pleased with what he had done. He finally sat
down and smiled. My work here is finished. There is other places
where I am needed. Fare well and may the force be with you - Muppets.